25 December 2008


it doesnt feel like home

looking down
too far to fall
up up up
too high to climb no
i am changed in the light
of the sun
i have a new name
a new face
my eyes are the eyes of the wind
and they have seen
the next step
but i do not understand it
a foothold made manifest
in the rock
a wave crashes
cold wet
higher and higher and higher
will i carry you
with me or will you
stay behind
the sun will show itself
as a heart sends blood through its body
fire and light and life
fill my belly my chest my brain
my arms and legs
constant upward
just as my blood is real
so is the promise
i will stand on mountains
on oceans eternal
where three once stood
still stand
stand always
our hearts will give life forever

23 December 2008

Why I have been in a strange mood as of late.

I was supposed to go to the temple today, but was unable due to some circumstances beyond my control. I'm kinda bummed about it. I'm at a point in my life where I need to make things happen. I need to find a direction and go with it. I can't wait for things to come my way. I was looking forward to conversing with the Lord in His Holy Temple to find that direction, to understand why I feel certain things (or why I can't stop feeling other things), to make sense of my situation. I feel that I took a huge step into the dark a few months ago, but I found more light once I exhibited the faith and took the step. Now I wonder what the next step is. Where do I need to go and what do I need to do to find even more light? I sat in the waiting room while we tried to figure out the situation, pondering the things that have been weighing on my heart, but it wasn't the same as sitting in the Celestial Room. There were too many distractions, too many people. Maybe I received all the answers I need for the time being a few weeks ago in Oakland. I have faith that the guidance I received from the Lord then is still relevant now, and I plan on following those promptings. I am scared to take this next step. More scared than leaving my family, friends, home, and country for two years to preach the gospel. More scared than the inevitability that I will go to war. Only one thing scares me more, the thought of not following the direction the Lord has given me. I know that He loves me and guides me. I know that He will lead me to true happiness. It's a scary thing not to understand how it's all going to play out. The words of my patriarchal blessing have been running through my head recently. They are of great comfort to me. They remind me that the Lord is aware of my needs and desires, that He will bless me more than I deserve, that the gospel is simple and beautiful. That blessing is full of vague promises, thus affording me the opportunity to exercise my faith. Something I have struggled with for as long as I can remember. I don't need to understand the “why,” but I do need to follow the promptings that I receive. As I work to make things happen in my life, I pray that I will have the faith to take steps into the darkness to find more and more of the light I seek. Perhaps I didn't need to go to the temple afterall to figure these things out. My heart is still full and there are many things weighing it down, but I take comfort in the fact that the Lord has felt my heartache and is by my side through whatever trials I may face. I take great comfort in knowing that the Atonement is real. Now may be the time I need it most. And believe me when I say that I have needed it pretty bad in the past.

22 December 2008

another set of words

the same voice

two bodies hanging above
dancing waters
its dances celebrations of lives
paralleled forever
each inhale a miracle
each exhale a step
closer to perfection
to change or stay the same
one i will do
the other you
a voice cries out
a voice quietly whispers
sink into the sea
cool this troubled mind
breaths held
time moves faster faster quieter quieter
silence stillness perfected
one answer for all
to follow
all answers for one
to follow
i believe the path is paved
in gold
who will walk with me into space and the sea

21 December 2008

I Played Two Shows Last Night

So, I'm home for Christmas, which is awesome. After not having played bass for almost 6 months, the old band got together without practicing and we played 5-6 of our old songs. Go go muscle memory. It went surprisingly well. I'm more excited about the first (and probably last) Science + Skeleton show that went down. Damien + Zeke helped out with some added synths and drums. The whole thing was a hot mess, but it was fun. So here's the audio from last night's show. Someone had a video camera for part of the show so I'll try to hunt that down and post it here as well.

There We Were On The Floor And Sitting In A Chair And Standing On Our Feet As People Walked Away

18 December 2008

Two Posts Today

Here's an awesome video of Bon Iver performing my favorite Bon Iver song, "Skinny Love," on Letterman.

Skinny Love
Come on skinny love just last the year
Pour a little salt we were never here
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer
I tell my love to wreck it all
Cut out all the ropes and let me fall
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Right in the moment this order's tall
I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
In the morning I'll be with you
But it will be a different "kind"
I'll be holding all the tickets
And you'll be owning all the fines
Come on skinny love what happened here
Suckle on the hope in lite brassiere
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Sullen load is full; so slow on the split
I told you to be patient
I told you to be fine
I told you to be balanced
I told you to be kind
Now all your love is wasted?
Then who the hell was I?
Now I'm breaking at the britches
And at the end of all your lines
Who will love you?
Who will fight?
Who will fall far behind?



closed eyes
why would you choose to cut off your arms
throw them to the sky
i wont be there to catch them i fear
but i will sing
the sounds of angel wings
a breeze a gust
yesterday i stood watching the sun rise over the sea
today its flames sink into the water
the warmth disappears with the light
but i will sing
the sounds of moons and stars
on rocks
in water
will i feel safe in anothers arms

15 December 2008

Airplane Ride Songs for Listening

So, I'm going home on Friday. Since I'm gonna be spending way too much time on a plane I'm gonna need some music to listen to. Here's the playlist that's gonna take me home to the people I love.

12 December 2008

too many words to know

how i made my millions

the wind
you never knew you were here
but i knew
and i felt you on my skin
and i smelled the salty air
waves on rocks
time passing ten
wind i am alive
pull my mind from space
my heart beats clearly now
a change
your voice stays with me
i will sing your songs
i am the wind and you are the wind

11 December 2008

These are more words from my head.

the shushing sounds

i could stare at the sky forever and still would it come to me
night night night and stars over blue and white and rocks
reaching above my head toward a thunderous cloud
an answer
a step into the darkest place i've ever seen
i find more light here
the sun
i see right through my hands
my bones my blood
i felt the warmth
i closed the distance
will you be there with me when i come to the surface
an open ocean
breathe freely now
it's only a moment stuck in my brain
eternal now
will you be there with me at the end

09 December 2008

I don't really know what to say about this.

So yeah, I saw it, so now all of you must suffer with me.

06 December 2008

I went to the temple today.

So yeah, I went to the Oakland Temple today and it was super awesome. I spent pretty much the entire day there and got some answers to some questions I've had for about a year now. That was the best part. The second best part was that it is a beautiful place and I'm glad I can say I've been there.

04 December 2008

Hugging Song

These are the lyrics to one of my favorite songs ever. It's about hugging. You should all listen to it and think about hugging your favorite person in the world. I promise it'll make you feel better. Unless you're on the other side of the country from that person. Then it may make you feel a bit lonely. But don't worry, you'll see them in a couple more weeks.

I Felt Your Shape
I thought I felt your shape but I was wrong
Really all I felt was falsely strong
I held on tight and closed my eyes
It was dumb I had no sense of your size

It was dumb to hold so tight
But last night
On your birthday in the kitchen
My grip was loose my eyes were open

I felt your shape and heard you breathing
I felt the rise and fall of your chest
I felt your fall
Your winter snows
Your gusty blow
Your lava flow
I felt it all
Your starry night
Your lack of light
With limp arms I can feel most of you

I hung around your neck independently
And my loss was overwhelmed
By this new depth I don't think I ever felt

But I don't know
My nights are cold
And I remember warmth
I could have sworn I wasn't alone


03 December 2008

Things + Stuff

I am feeling a great many things all at once right now and it's driving me mad. I won't bore you with details even though that's what most people do with blogs, but whatever, I'm not most people. I wanna do things and nothing all at the same time. My brain is in overdrive right now. I can't concentrate on one thing for very long. my sentences are short and simple. Explosions in the Sky would be a good band for me to listen to right now. Now I am listening to them. I want answers to questions I've had for a long, long, long, long time. I think I may get some soon. I'll keep praying for them to come. Someone compared my tattoos to the plan of salvation at dinner tonight. I'll tell you about it later Madre. It was kinda funny. I ran about 6.5 miles today and worked out my legs. They're like jello. or nonexistent. I started working with my friend Hunter on some new music. He sent me a bunch of recordings and is letting me cut them up into tiny pieces and glue them back together again. He's pretty freakin' awesome. He should probably be your hero like he is mine. I really need a hug. A good, long hug from someone I love very,very much. 16 more days and that can happen. I am very impatient. Grrrrrr. I am a tiger or a bear. The weather needs to warm up here and the sun needs to come out a little more during the day. I like the poem I wrote. I think it's nice and it makes sense to me somehow. Holy crap there's so much going on it seems, but nothing is really happening when I stop to think about it. What is going on!? Bye.

02 December 2008

i just wrote what may be considered a poem


softly spoken whispers
felt inside my chest
believe me she said
certainly i will i said
and so i close my eyes
have i ever been alone
youre not dreaming she said
but this doesnt feel real i said
the twilight the wind the rain
sunlight mountains oceans
i will be here forever she said
how long is that i said
a warm touch a smile
oxygen floods the lungs
you have nothing to fear she said
every word you say is true i said
another whisper
another breath
on and on and on we said

01 December 2008

The Best of 2008

Honestly, what kind of music blog would this be without a year end best of list? So here it is. These are my favorite albums from 2008. Overall, it was a crappy year for music, but these guys really shined through. Hopefully 2009 will treat us better.

1. Mt. Eerie - Lost Wisdom
2. Why? - Alopecia
3. The Dodos - Visiter
4. F*#^ Buttons - Street Horrrsing
5. Torche - Meanderthal
6. Crystal Castles - Crystal Castles
7. Jaguar Love - Jaguar Love EP
8. Abe Vigoda - Skeleton
9. Harvey Milk - Life...the Best Game in Town
10. Deerhunter - Microcastle

That's my list. If you think I'm wrong, please post yours. Maybe I missed something. I would hate to miss an opportunity to hear more great music.